Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Kate, Sassy and Dive.. What have you done?

Kate asked us to write our post in a strange environment today in 15 minutes. Here is mine and I am apologizing now for the content but it is what is in my strange environment called my brain today.

Fifteen minutes in the brain of middle aged, menstruating woman. Turn back those who have a weak constitution! Fair warning.

What the fuck is up with all these cramps. Isn’t it bad enough that Eve fucked things up and now we have to endure the pain of childbirth, which by the way can never be summed up in any words conjured up by the mortal man. I haven’t slept in 2 nights because not only do you have back breaking cramps, bloating and the ability to spin your head completely around while spewing pea soup, but the hormonal moanings in my body keep me dreaming like I’ve had one too many hit of acid. Acid, remember the time when you and Nathaniel were driving around with David in the back seat, passed out drunk, on one of Nathaniel’s trips back from Maui? We must have dropped 3 hits of acid that night and drank well over 2 cases of beer just driving around looking at the oddness of the night-lights. Then we drive into that sand pit and Nathaniel and I saw what we believed was a murdered women with her head cut off. Funny part was neither of us told the other what we had seen until we were back in town sitting in public where we thought we would be safe. The next day we returned to the pit to discover it was a doll that someone had ripped the head off and thrown it beside the body. Aghhh fuck back to the cramps, cuz they don’t let up no matter how many drugs I take and it’s offsetting my ability to type or even think in a cohesive stream, shit I gotta pee again, another annoyance during “That Time”, just like drinking too much beer or coffee, peeing every 20 min. I think that when you are done with childbearing………………,

Fuck kids, mine are being such assholes today. Ever just not wanna go home? They have so much to be pissy about don’t they. Nice roof over their heads, food in the fridge, I spent the last two weekends cleaning up their dirty laundry ( they clened their rooms) they both dumped in the utility room cuz who the fuck else is going to do it and I am sick of stepping over it to do my own. Why the fuck do they get to steal my bath towels, all the while they get a freakn week off from school and sleep till noon and then call my work over and over to bitch about each other. I still have to get up and get myself off to work so they can enjoy their leisurely lives. I so can’t wait until Ethan is 18. I am out of here! My dad used to call me Leisurely. Funny that.

…………….you should be able to have all the plumbing ripped out and be done with it. Why do you have to continue to suffer until sometime in your 50’s? Women have the CHOICE over one of the most thought provoking Options on the universe but we can't say, just rip the shit out. Why is that?
Well my 15 minutes are up and I gotta pee. Be careful what you ask for.


Sassy Sundry said...

Wow. Step away from the computer, Yetta. Slowly. Ick. I'm sorry you feel so awful.

Dear Prudence said...

YEP TOLD YA! At this piont I can only say FUCK ME!

dive said...

Just lay down on the sofa. Put this hot water bottle on your tum and let me get you a nice big brandy and some painkillers.
Then you can scream at me 'til you feel better.

I lived for sixteen years with Ming The Menstrual.

Dear Prudence said...

Thanks for the kindness Dive and I shall have a good pull of sour mash if ya don't mind, George Dickle to be exact. I am done screaming now. Maybe.. Ming the Menstrual ok that at least brought a giggle to my lips.

Old Knudsen said...

You should have ended that post "looking for fun and feeling groovey."

The strange environment I wrote in was 4 inches to the right as I don't have a lap top and am too old to break into hooses.