Monday, June 4, 2007

Five Years From Fifty

Tomorrow I will be 45. Thinking in terms of time frames my life can be broken down like this:

1-22 well I suppose you could call it the usual. Diapers, pooping, drooling, smiling, walking (I never crawled, just got up and walked), running, falling, school, boys, parents just don’t understand, Maui. Yeah, that about sums up those years.

23-29: Children: Had my oldest when I was 24 then filed for divorce twice while 25 & 26, made nice again and had middle child when I was 28 and found out when she was 9 months I was expecting my youngest. Had him at 29, life was a blur for the next year or two.

31-38: Finding my footing: Tried to hang on to a bad marriage until I was 32. Got a divorce, lived in meager housing with kids trying to keep us going. Sometimes we ran out of fuel for heat and sometimes the fridge was sparse but we hung in there. Found myself a great job. Made up my mind to provide better living arrangements for my kids. Built my house when I turned 38.

38-44: Struggles. I think that is the best word to describe these last six years. My oldest and I didn’t see eye to eye and he moved out when he was 16. We are better now and he will be 21 on Saturday. My daughter and I don’t see eye to eye and she told me today she was going to find someplace else to live. My youngest and I don’t talk more than superficially. He was alone in the house last week and I found my toy drawer open, my shower floor still wet and a wadded up crusty facecloth on my bed. There is something wrong when your personal space is used by someone else, even if they are your children. Somethings are just wrong. Tropical Storm Barry is overhead and it has been drizzling for 2 days. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to be a mom, I don’t want to be the heavy, I don’t want to be diligent. I don’t want to be 45 tomorrow.

45-???: Who knows? I may be alone. It may make me happy. I guess I will see tomorrow.

13 comments:

Old Knudsen said...

happy birthday anyway ya old goat haha.

Another year closer to death then you can have a nice long rest.

Dear Prudence said...

Today Old K, I am wishing for it! Thanks for the HB!

Sassy Sundry said...

Oh, Prudence. I hope that you find something to be happy about tomorrow.

Love ya, Yetta. Hang in there.

Rich said...

Good Book that gets me through rasing kids is -

Daily affirmations for parents.

by Tian Dayton M.A., A.M.S.

Get it on Amazon.com

It helps me live one day at a time parenting.

zirelda said...

Happy Birthday dear Prudence from halfway across the country.

I hung on in my marriage till I was 35. I waited too long.... I do still get along with my daughter but we're in pre teen and I don't want to be the heavy anymore either.

I'll send you good happy birthday thoughts so your day will be maybe a tad lighter.

Vic said...

Happy Birthday, Prudence.

There' always something to be happy about - sometimes you just have to dig.

Have one for me,
Vic

Fresh Hell said...

Oh Sweet Prudence. Stiff upper lip, sista! I can't imagine how tough it must be to have kids, much less to do it on your own. Just have faith that you've taught them well how to take care of themselves and be good people... Even if they can't manage to do it under the same roof as you.

Take some deep breaths and focus on enjoying your birthday. Damage control another day. Happy Birthday, Senorita!

dive said...

Woohoo!
Yaaaay!
and all that.
Happy birthday, Prudence!

Forty-five?
FORTY-FIVE?
You bloody kids don't know you're born!

Dear Prudence said...

Thanks one and all for the well wishes.
Rich, thanks for the book advice I will check it out.

I am usually a very optimistic person but yesterday was a bit much. Fresh, you are right, I must just accept that those lessons will carry her through.

I will find something to be happy about today if it kills me!

Thanks again everyone!

Robyn said...

Pru, I am sorry I didn't read this earlier to wish you a happy birthday. I'll be 45 in just a few weeks myself. I haven't had the same struggles you have had, but neither of us knows what this next year will bring. Let's just hope it's better than the year before.

Kate Isis said...

Happy birthday Prudence.
Hopefully yours contains far less agiation than hubbys on the weekend just gone xoxoxox

Dear Prudence said...

Thanks Robyn and Kate. It did get a bit better as the evening went on.
Robyn, with you kindness, insight and generousity of spirit, I knew you were a Gemini!

Kate, I read your bolg on Hubby's B-day. Why can't we all just get along? People sure can be rediculous soemtimes!

Terroni said...

I'm a few days late, but I'm assuming you're still 45. So...Happy Birthday!