Wednesday, July 25, 2007

A Little Fluff on Hump Day!

Hospital Chart Notes

Actual Writings In Hospital Charts
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Anonymous said...

Laughing my arse off. Too funny prudence and just what i needed today.
I wonder which set of notes would go with which blogger?

Old Knudsen 2.0 said...

Circus sized? I'd rather hope for freak show sized.

zirelda said...

The last one is too funny. No other abnormalities?

Dear Prudence said...

Kate: I did that post for myself as much as for everyone. I also needed a laugh yesterday! I thought Rich would get a kick out of it.

Old K (2.0????? ) becareful what you ask for!

Hey Z, I can totaly relate to the last one!My oldest (21) moved back in for a month before moving to Virginia. I think I might end up on that list before the month is up!

savannah said...

LMBO...too damn funny, sugar..and just what the doctor ordered! *hugs*

Rich said...

How about this one: I explained to the patient that suicide was fatal

Dear Prudence said...

Rich, I so totally thought of you when I posted this!

Rich said...

Thanks for thinking of me. Now you know some of what I have to deal with.

dive said...

Thank you, Prudence.
I've been so rushed I've only just managed to catch up on this one but I'm having a good raucous chortle.
Too funny.

Rhea said...

Oh, these were great. No record of previous suicides. Yeah.